Fear and Jealousy
by DewNymph
Summary: Snape sets his sights on the one thing Lupin holds dearest to his heart, but who will win her in the end? Set after OotP and alongside HBP. See profile for series order.
1. A Very Brief Encounter

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter One: A Very Brief Encounter 

Tonks wandered nigh aimlessly through the alleys around Hogsmeade's main road. Another fruitless patrol. She had seen nothing out of the ordinary, nothing suspitious, nothing interesting whatsoever. Hardly surprising given that the new term at Hogwarts had yet to start. It was possibly the most boring Order work she had ever done and this was not how she had imagined her afternoon off. She had planned to knock off work at lunch time, avoid Remus, pop to the Weasleys for a bit, avoid Remus some more, then veg out in front of the tele with a Chinese and a few tins. Not that anyone could help it that Vance had been taken ill, and Tonks was glad to help, but it was yet another simple dream shattered by the war.

As she headed out from behind Zonko's joke shop, she heard the sound of smooth footfalls on the paving slabs up ahead. Tonks stopped. She instinctively drew her wand and edged forward slowly. The footsteps stopped briefly, then resumed. Whoever it was had probably just done the same as she had, and that meant it was no ordinary late shopper. She shuffled closer, wand at the ready. She crept nearer and nearer to the source of the sounds, closer to the main street of the village, until she made out a figure. He was tall, looming and dressed entirely in black. That was never a good sign. She walked towards him almost casually now, trying to catch a glimpse of the face hidden by black hair and the high collar of his cloak. The light was dimmed by the overcast June sky, but she could just recognise the man. No sooner had she done so, he made a sudden movement, causing Tonks to jump and fall backwards into a black dustbin.

"My my, aren't we clumsy this evening Nymphadora," Snape said, reluctantly offering her his hand.

"Yes, well so would you be if you didn't know how long your legs were half the time," she took his hand equally reluctantly before adding "course it doesn't help if sinister cloaked figures jump out at you."

"My sincerest apologies," he said, with more than a hint of sarcasm. Tonks shot him a look that had been passed down the Black line for generations.

"It's a miracle you became an Auror at all," he said calmly, he almost seemed as if he wanted an argument. Tonks didn't take the bait.

"You know, I could stand here and insult your aptitude for your own profession, but I'd be lying through my teeth," she tried a different tactic. Snape was thrown. Was that a compliment?

"I don't follow," he said.

"People are always bashing your teaching methods," she explained. "While I'd agree that you're as pleasant as pond slime on occasion, I have to admit you're pretty damn good at what you do."

"It never did you any good though, did it?" He retorted.

"Touché professor. Though having said that, I'd never have passed my potions N.E.W.T. without your help." A wry smile crept over her face. She took a step closer, backing him against the wall. She boxed him in on three sides, putting her hand to the wall and looked him in the eye. "Fear is a powerful weapon."

"Indeed," he said, a faint smudge of red spreading through his pallid features. He side-stepped Tonks and cleared his throat. "A very good evening to you Miss Tonks."

"Have a good one Severus," she winked, and he retreated back into the darkness.

&&&

Remus sat nursing his mug of tea while Molly began preparing the vegetables for dinner. Remus sighed heavily.

"You know dear, if you don't do something about this, someone else will jump in." Molly warned, charming a large wooden spoon to stir what looked like dumpling mixture.

"I know," Remus replied. "Maybe that would be no bad thing."

"Oh Remus, how can you say that! You know how she feels about you, this is madness!"

"What is?" Tonks asked, popping her head round the back door to the Burrow.

"Remus won't stay for tea," said Molly, thinking on her feet.

"Huh, his choice," Tonks responded bitterly, avoiding Remus' eyes.

"How was the patrol?" Molly asked, changing the subject.

"Ah, it was alright," she said, slumping into the chair furthest from Remus and pouring herself some tea. "Bumped into Severus, pretty dull otherwise."

Remus looked up. He was surprised to hear that Tonks was on first name terms with Snape. Tonks drained her mug and stood up yawning.

"Well, I'd best be off, work tomorrow." She headed for the door. "Might pop round in my lunch break, if that's all right with you?"

"Of course it is Tonks dear."

"Right, well, see ye." Tonks left without so much as a glance in Remus' direction. Molly glared at him across the table.

"She won't be treated like this, she doesn't deserve it and neither do you." Molly warned him. "The quaffle is on your pitch."


	2. Personal Planning

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter Two: Personal Planning

"Oh what are we going to do with you two, eh?" Molly smiled, handing Tonks a plate of small triangular cheese sandwiches. Tonks half chuckled, half sighed.

"I for one, need to get thoroughly pissed." Molly couldn't quite tell if Tonks had been joking.

"Do you know what the date is?" Molly asked, inspecting the use-by date on some bacon.

"No idea, sorry," Tonks reply was muffled by the sandwich.

"Hmm," Molly walked over to the calendar and peered at it. "Oh it'll be fine for tonight," she thought aloud. As she stood by the pages of the dilapidated Witch Weekly Calendar Special, Molly spotted something.

"Tonks dear, why didn't you say anything?"

"Er, about what?"

"It's your birthday tomorrow!" Molly explained to a bemused Tonks.

"Oh, so it is," she replied. "I've got my mind on other things at the moment."

"Even so, you should celebrate."

"You know what?" Tonks said. "You're right, Merlin knows I need cheering up. We'll have a few drinks and a bloody good laugh for once."

"That's the spirit dear," Molly beamed. "I'll let everyone this end know about it, you'd best be getting back to work."

"Thanks Molly," Tonks said, hugging her. "For everything."

&&&

Back at the ministry, Tonks was having trouble concentrating on her paperwork. She was positively bouncing, and really not in the mood to compile her reports on attempted wand thefts in Greater London from the last three weeks. Her mind wandered onto Molly's suggestion and a thought struck her. She took out a fresh piece of parchment from her desk draw and wrote in her worst scrawled handwriting.

_Severus,_

_I'm having a birthday do tomorrow night, nothing special, just a few drinks in the Hog's Head, and I'd love it if you came. See you seven-ish?_

_Tonks_

She rolled it up and walked to the small out-tray sat on the window sill and popped it in. An owl wearing a ministry logo ribbon appeared promptly at the window. Tonks tied the letter to it's leg and off it went. She sighed and returned to her desk, wondering why the ministry had refused to install a staff email system. Owl mail rivalled snail mail at the best of times, she thought. She sighed and picked at the dried ink on her quill. She rocked on the short leg of her office chair. She began to hum. The young AO(1) opposite her gave her a look.

"Sorry," she whispered, and promptly stopped. She had just begun examining the ceiling tiles when a reply arrived through the window.

'_Nymphadora,_

_I'm afraid I have a prior engagement tomorrow evening, though I do appreciate the offer._

_Severus'_

Oh no, that won't do, she thought.

'_Severus,_

_Cancel it, D-Man's orders._

_Tonks'_

'_Nymphadora,_

One can only assume that by that you meant Professor Dumbledore. Very well, I shall grudgingly oblige.

_Severus'_

"TONKS!" Came a holler from the other end of the office. She looked up.

"Kindly keep personal mail to a minimum?" Kingsley ordered in the nicest possible way.

"Sorry boss," she mocked. "Guess that means you don't want an invite?"

"Oh I've already got one thanks, Molly's way ahead of you."

"When'd she do that?" Tonks asked.

"Just after lunch," he said. "Moody and Lupin got one as well."

"Oh and I suppose that doesn't count as personal mail?" she teased across the office.

"When _you're_ an HEA(2) you can be a hypocrite too," Kingsley grinned. Tonks laughed.

"Wait, Remus is coming too?" She had just registered what Kingsley had said.

"Apparently, why, any reason he shouldn't?" He enquired suspiciously.

"S'pose not," she evaded, quickly hiding behind her stacks of paperwork. It suddenly seemed much more interesting, and definitely favourable to torturing herself about Remus all afternoon.

&&&

Points of reference:

(1) Based on the logic that the ministry is very much like the civil service, I changed the grades (ranks) slightly. AO meaning Auror Officiate, and not Admin Officer, the lowest grade (I myself am an AO :D). For the purpose of this fic I am assuming that Tonks is an EA, Excellent Auror, ie. the next grade up. Out equivillent would be an EO, Executive Officer

(2) HEA- Higher Excellent Auror, one grade up from EA, same as our HEOs, Higher Executive Officers. Hope that's not too confusing lol.


	3. Bloody Buggering Hell

Author's Note: Thanks for all the yummy reviews guys! Much preciated, plus they spawn new chapters wink wink nudge nudge. Kinda short this one, but part of a double chappie upload :D Enjoy!

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter Three: Bloody Buggering Hell

The next morning was Saturday, Tonks' twenty**-**fourth birthday. She allowed herself the luxury of a long lie-in, and though she was wide awake at the crack of dawn she stayed snuggled under her summer duvet until lunchtime. She finally gave in and got up after the fifth owl's attempts to gain entry to her flat had succeeded in shattering her small kitchen window. She stood on a sliver of glass as she crossed the room. She yelped, hopped backwards and knocked over a frying pan that she had been avoiding for longer than she'd care to remember.

&&&

In muggle Camden, a figure stood looking up at Tonks' window. He pulled his patched cloak around his shoulders, as if this would make him more courageous. He looked down at the small blue envelope in his right hand and the purple box in his left. He sighed heavily as the words "bloody buggering hell" drifted out through the broken glass pane. Remus Lupin shook his head, turned and walked away.

&&&

Tonks sat down on a stool and reached for her wand. She fixed the glass in the window with no trouble, but had very little success in clearing up the pieces on the floor. She managed to push it all to one side, ready to sweep up later. She pulled her bleeding foot onto her lap and pulled at the glass shard. The five owls now perched in a row on the kitchen counter seemed to wince as she removed the sliver of glass. There was the faint sound of footsteps outside. Tonks put the glass in the bin and hopped over to the window. Whoever it was had gone. She conjured a bandage round her foot and pulled on a pair of red and gold stripy socks from the clothes horse. The owls, who had been in her 'well-used' kitchen quite long enough, hooted for attention. Tonks untied the letters from each of them and opened the window for them to fly away. All five letters were birthday greetings. One was from Rufus Scrimgeour, standard ministry card with a rubber stamped signature. How touching, thought Tonks as she dropped it into the bin. The others were from her parents, her muggle uncle who thought owl post was something of a novelty, an old college friend and Percy Weasley. Huh, nice of him, she thought, though was still quite confused as to why Percy had felt the need to send it. She showered, dressed and veged in front of the tv all afternoon with a box of sprinkle doughnuts. This was how birthdays were meant to be.


	4. Not So Happy Birthday

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter Four: Not So Happy Birthday

Tonks arrived at the pub just after seven. The Troll's Head wasn't a patch on the Three Broomsticks but being who they were, it wasn't safe for Order members to meet in normal wizarding establishments. It was run by the aging muggle parents of three now fully grown Hogwarts students, and catered for both wizards and those muggles who knew of the wizarding community for whatever reason. The place was truly unique, but more importantly it was rarely frequented by fanatical pure-bloods. She was met outside by Mr and Mrs Weasley, Kingsley, Remus and Mad-eye, who (all but Remus) pushed cards and presents into Tonks' hands. Tonks thanked them found a table and some benches in the corner of the pub. Tonks shrank the gifts and popped them in her tiny rucksack before sitting down next to Moody. Kingsley and Remus shuffled off to the bar arriving shortly with a round of drinks. Not able to order their usual tipple due to what the owners called 'muggle nite', they settled for decent muggle drinks instead. Moody had chosen a pint of Adnams Broadside, Kingsley and Tonks both had Guinness, Remus had large whisky, Arthur; a cider shandy, and Molly; red wine.

"So who were you inviting at work yesterday then?" Kingsley asked from across the table, wiping away a beer moustache.

"Oh, just a tall, handsome stranger I met in a dark alley the other night," Tonks hinted, risking a quick glance at Remus. He appeared to be suddenly fascinated with the contents of his glass. Tonks looked up behind him as the pub door opened and a familiar figure stepped inside.

"Fashionably late," she teased. Snape rolled his eyes to the ceiling, wondering why on earth he'd agreed to come.

"What ye drinking?" she asked him. "I've got a slate at the bar, it's all on me tonight."

"Sour wine, thank you," he said plainly.

As Tonks headed over to the bar, she glared at Remus. It had not gone unnoticed that he had been paying for his own drinks. Tonks returned with a goblet of wine as Snape reluctantly shuffled up the bench towards Moody to make room for the birthday girl.

Now that everyone was there, Moody stood up and raised what was left of his pint.

"To Tonks!" he said as the others followed suit with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

"To freedom!" added Tonks, this went down better than the first toast, a few people from neighbouring tables even joined in.

"To good –hic- beer during war time," ventured a cheerful rosy-cheeked muggle who looked old enough to have seen World War Two as well as the **First War. **This got the biggest cheer of all, before the pub returned to relative normality.

Remus remained mostly silent throughout the evening, splitting his time between staring unnervingly at Tonks and Snape, and drinking heavily. Oddly enough, Snape was also fairly quiet. Remus shot him a look that seemed to say 'why are you here?" Snape sent one back that said he had no idea.

"Was Professor Dumbledore not supposed to join us this evening?" Snape asked.

"No, we asked him, but _someone_," Tonks glared at Moody, "didn't think it was a good idea so many of us meeting in public right now."

"And he was right to do so," added Arthur.

"Course he was," confirmed Tonks.

"But your letter…" Snape began.

"I lied," she smirked over the top of her beer. "Had to convince you somehow."

Snape rolled his eyes to the ceiling and sighed. Tonks drained the dregs of her pint and stood up, more than slightly wobbly.

"Same again everyone?" she asked. Some nodded, others declined, Remus just sat staring into space, clutching his empty glass.

"Remus?" He shook his head. Tonks turned an involuntary scarlet.

"Remus, a word?" He didn't budge, just sat staring at the table. Molly kicked him not-so-discreetly in the shin. He finally gave in and followed Tonks to the other side of the busy pub.

"What the hell are you playing at Remus?" Tonks said, doing her best not to yell. "I didn't ask you to do or say anything, you just had to sit there and let me buy you a drink and just be there to celebrate my bloody birthday." Tonks paused. "You didn't _have_ to come you know."

"Neither did he," Remus said into his chest, casting a sideways glance at Snape.

"He came because I asked him to, and right now, I'd gladly pick Severus' company over yours. You think you're protecting me by putting me through this? You've done more damage than you could possibly imagine." She looked into his eyes, tears welling up inside her. "I can't do this anymore Remus, I just can't."

He looked at the ground, saying nothing. Tonks ran through the pub, past the others and out the door, slamming it behind her. The pub became suddenly silent, all eyes were on Remus. He sighed and apparated out of the Troll's Head. The noise level quickly picked up again, leaving the rest of the group rather bewildered.

Ordinarily, it would have been Molly that would have run after her, but she had had far too much to drink to be of any use and was at present incapable of manoeuvring out from between Moody and Arthur. Snape sighed and stood up rather unwillingly. He picked up Tonks' little blue backpack that she had left on the bench next to him and followed after her.

Snape found her sitting on a wall with her head buried in her hands. He strode towards her, feeling the slightest twinge of sympathy for her in this dishevelled state. He held out her bag. Tonks looked up at him with bloodshot eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered between sobs, and took it from him. He said nothing but placed a stiff hand on her shoulder. From him, that was something.

"Bet you reckon I'm a complete idiot," she said, her sobs slowing.

"Not at all," he said, sitting down beside her. "You are not the first and you will not be the last to fall for someone who does not reciprocate those feelings." He sounded like he was speaking from experience.

"I s'pose," whispered Tonks.

"Though you have not chosen the best of potential partners, it has to be said," Snape said not bitterly, but with a chuckle.

"You're telling me," she laughed. Tonks looked off into the distance and sighed.

"You know, I think you're being very patient with him," he began. "If I were you I'd have hexed him into oblivion long ago."

Tonks laughed. "Oh I've been tempted," she said, turning towards him. "But that wouldn't solve anything, it'd just push him further away."

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Snape asked earnestly.

"Who knows," Tonks said, staring up at the now starlit summer sky. "He knew, Sirius knew, he told me. He said that Remus felt the same. He said that Remus was just insecure, that I should make the first move. I promised him I would, just a few hours before he died. So I kept that promise, I told Remus what I thought he already knew and he threw it back in my face. I've never known him like that before, so angry, so full of hatred. I guess Sirius was wrong. Wouldn't be the first time."

This was the first ill-word against the late great Sirius Black Snape had heard since his departure. Tonks' honesty touched him, but Snape had no wish to hear more of his old school enemies, even if she was slighting them.

"We shouldn't linger," he said. "The pubs will be closing soon, we don't want to arouse any more suspicion than we already have."

"True that," Tonks said, hopping half-heartedly to her feet.

"Would you like me to escort you home?" Snape asked. He spotted her raised eyebrow adding "for security purposes, I assure you."

"Thank you," she whispered, smiling. Snape offered her his arm. Tonks took it and they walked through London's streets in reflective silence, each just glad to have a little well-meaning, unquestioning company.


	5. The Morning After

A/N: Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews! They really help me get more chapters done quickly. To raise someone's point, it's an interesting idea that's turned up in some fanfics, but according to canon Snape and Tonks are not related. Bit of a long one this, enjoy!

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter Five: The Morning After

Tonks woke up clutching at her head. She felt like she'd been smashed against a brick wall, forced over broken glass and then pickled in cheap lager. She swung her legs out of bed and sat up, noticing both her feet were heavily bandaged. Well one out of three anyway.

"Oh god, what the hell did I do?" she groaned, limping across to the bathroom for a glass of water. She drained the green tumbler and peered at her reflection in the mirror. Tonks grimaced. Bags under her eyes, bright red cheeks and mousy brown flecks in her pink hair, which was a little longer than normal, and straight instead of spiked. Soon sort that, she thought, and screwed up her face. Nothing happened. She tried again. Still nothing. Maybe it was the hangover, yes that was it; she couldn't morph because she was tired and hungover.

Tonks meandered back into the bedroom and slipped on her dressing gown. It took her three attempts to get her left arm in the sleeve, but she managed and hobbled into her kitchen-come-living-room. She headed for the kettle to make a well needed cup of coffee, but found someone had beaten her to it.

"Good morning Nymphadora, or should I say, afternoon," Snape said, glancing at the wall clock. He handed her a steaming mug with the words 'muggle lover' written on the side in purple. She simply stared at him.

"You still like two sugars I presume?" he asked, as Tonks finally blinked and took the mug from him. As she sipped from the mug she felt instantly better. A warm, tingling feeling spread slowly through her body, clearing the fog. As her mind cleared, several questions emerged. Specifically, 'what the heck had happened last?', and 'why was Snape still here?'. She looked at her coffee and another question popped into her head. Why was her coffee blue? She looked up to see Snape gesturing towards a small vial of healing potion on the counter. Rather relieved that her old potions master was not trying to poison her, she asked him a simpler question.

"How did you know how I like my coffee?" she asked, while desperately searching her memory for some scrap of what had happened.

"Why detention of course," he explained. "You were always turning up in a similar state. You drank too much then, and I see not a lot has changed."

Tonks had almost forgotten Snape's fondness for 8am Saturday detentions, especially on Hogsmeade weekends. Like most of her fellow students, Tonks had discovered firewhisky shortly after entering her fifth year. Unlike her fellow students however, Tonks drank alone and in secret. Snape was right; she did always turn up to detentions hungover, and every time he'd make her a blue tinged cup of coffee before giving her instructions. It was after her first hungover detention, she noticed his attitude towards her had changed rapidly. He stopped calling her 'Miss Black' (though called her Nymphadora instead, which wasn't much better, but at least it was her name), he gave her less repulsive things to do during detention and _almost_ left her alone in class. He wasn't 'nice' by any stretch of the imagination, but he was a lot less venomous. Tonks had always wondered at this change, but could never figure out why it had happened.

"Did we…?" Tonks asked, jumping in at the deep end.

"No," Snape replied, nonplussed.

"Oh," Tonks said. She wandered over to the sofa and sat down. Snape followed, bringing his modest glass of water over to the arm chair opposite.

"So what _did_ happen?"

"Do you remember leaving the pub?" he asked. Tonks nodded. "Well, I escorted you here, where you invited me in, promptly drank a bottle of vodka and mumbled about razor blades. I could hardly leave you in that state, so I took it upon myself to stand watch and make sure you did not do anything…stupid."

"You mean you stayed awake all night?"

"Not at all, once you were asleep I stayed on your sofa," he explained. "It really is remarkably uncomfortable."

"Yea, don't really have guests much," she told him apologetically. "Keep meaning to get a new one but they don't come cheap."

"Indeed not."

"So, what happened to my feet?" she asked, poking at the bandages.

"It seems you had a pile of broken glass on the floor in the kitchen. I took the liberty of clearing it up and dressing your wounds."

"Thanks," she whispered, not sure what else she could say. Had she really forgotten to clear it up? Tonks told herself she had to be more alert from now on.

"You can help yourself to something more substantial if ye like," Tonks offered, gesturing to his glass of water.

"Oh I would have done had there been anything other than ready meals in your cupboards."

"Like I said, I don't entertain much," she said. "Don't tell me Severus Snape can't work a microwave?"

"I have no need for such things," he said flatly.

"Pure-bloods," Tonks tutted, rolling her eyes and hobbling to the freezer. Snape cleared his throat loudly. Tonks shrugged it off and began rummaging. "Don't s'pose they existed when you were at Hogwarts. Did you do muggle studdies?"

"Yes, actually, I did," he said. "Does that surprise you?"

"Yes and no," she said, finally pulling out a frost covered box. "Beef and ale stew do you? Bit early I know, but I know _I_ didn't eat last night."

"No, neither did I," he said. "Stew would be good, thank you."

"Right," Tonks said, shoving one plastic tray in the microwave and another on the counter. "It'll be ready when it pings, I'd better put some clothes on."

Tonks left Snape to contend with the humming appliance and went to get dressed. She grabbed a purple t-shirt that Sirius had given her last Christmas and a pair of old jeans, trying to race the microwave timer. She put on a thick pair of Gryffindor striped socks over her bandages with difficulty, and arrived back in the living room just in time to hear the ping. She pulled out the tray and peeled off the plastic film, scalding herself on the hot steam. She grabbed a fork and handed them to Snape who had relocated to the breakfast bar. She was just putting the second tray in the microwave when an owl appeared at the window. Tonks flicked her wand. The window swung open, the owl dropped a piece of parchment into Tonks' hands and promptly flew off again. She stared in horror at what it said.

"Merlin," she said, handing Severus the slip of paper. "This is happening, it's bloody happening."

Snape's eyes widened as he read; '_Vance is indisposed_.' The Order had organised a code long ago, that if the worst should happen to anyone, they would be prepared. Tonks had just been told that Emmeline Vance was dead. Not only that, but she would also have to continue whatever assignment Vance had been doing; in this case she was due to patrol Nocturn Alley. Tonks took a deep breath.

"Right, no time to lose," she said, composing herself and pulling out her walking boots from behind the sofa. Snape stood up. "Don't leave in my account, sit, finish the stew."

Tonks laced her boots hastily, stuck her wand and keys in her pockets and headed for the door.

"I..I guess I'll see you later then," she said, hesitating before coming back into the room. She put a hand on Severus' shoulder, leaned up on tip toes and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks for everything Sev," she smiled and left.


	6. Promoted, Misquoted and Misunderstood

A/N: Thank you so much for all the scrummy reviews! Been on a go slow of late due to dropping out of college, splitting up wi me other half etc. so excuse the sporadic updates.

In response to a review, I know what Tonks' name is thank you very much, Snape was trying (and succeeding) to insult her by reffering to her as Miss Black. I've elaborated on this more in chapter seven which should be up in a few days time.

Also, please go read my new one shot 'This Time of Year', ta folks!

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter Six: Promoted, Misquoted and Misunderstood

As soon as Tonks was relieved from patrol by Bill Weasley, she returned to the Burrow. It had become the main refuelling station of the Order because of number twelve's uncertain fate after Sirius' death. It was usually empty during the week, what with most of them having full-time jobs and the youngsters constantly practising Quidditch in the garden, but at weekends it became a dumping ground for the weary and the bored. Today was no exception.

When Moody was finished interrogating Tonks, she stepped into the kitchen. The radio was on.

"…_reports of tornados amongst the muggle population. There is speculation that the damage was actually caused by giants in league with you-know-who, but this is as yet unconfirmed. In other news, a witch was brutally murdered in her London home last night, merely a hundred yards from Downing Street, home of the muggle Prime Mini…"_

Molly switched it off and left the remaining Order members in silence. Tonks broke it.

"How did she die?"

"You don't want to know," Moody said distantly, looking oddly pale for a man who had seen as much as he had. "You really don't want to know."

Tonks nodded, swallowing hard.

"We've been trying to let everyone know," Molly squeaked. "We haven't been able to get in touch with Severus yet though."

"It's okay, he knows," Tonks explained. "He was still there when my message arrived."

There were a few raised eyebrows. Remus dropped his tea cup on the floor. The only person who didn't look surprised was Dumbledore, who sat in a wicker chair next to the Weasley's kitchen dresser. In fact, Tonks almost thought she saw him smirk behind his beard.

"Um, that wasn't… I mean…um," Tonks mumbled, her face now matching the remaining few strands of pink hair.

"Yes, I think we should get on with the meeting, don't you?" rescued Dumbledore, and winked at Tonks.

&&&

Monday mornings at the ministry were usually rather hectic, and very dull. Tonks usually spent most of the day making sure all the paperwork from the previous week had been filled out correctly, handing out the patrol rota and distributing Kingsley's assignments among her four AO's. He had already decided who was best suited to what, but Tonks had to check they knew what they were doing. This particular Monday morning however, was quite different. Tonks checked up on the paperwork, but there was no sign of Kingsley. She asked around but no-one had seen him. Given the weekend's catastrophic events, Tonks hoped to whichever god was listening that he was just off sick.. But Kingsley _never_ went off sick. Half-way through the morning, she was called into a meeting. There was only herself, Basil Rookwood; the head of the Auror Espionage division and Cyril Brackpot; the new head of Aurors present. They began by setting Tonk's mind at rest regarding Kingsley's whereabouts.

"Firstly, we'd like to assure you and the staff that Shacklebolt is perfectly safe. I did hear some of the AO's are rather concerned, I'd like you to make sure they all know this. You needn't give them any details, but for your information, he is currently working undercover as a secretary amongst muggle government officials."

"Thank you, we were all worried, especially after the weekend." Tonks breathed a sigh of relief, while simultaneously suppressing a giggle at the image she now had of Kingsley as a muggle secretary.

"I'm sure," Brackpot said, continuing. "We have called you in Miss Tonks, because there is now a gap in our ranks. Before he left, Shacklebolt personally recommended you as his replacement. Now you must understand that this would be a temporary measure. You would take home the standard HEA salary for the duration, and of course it would put you in good stead should you want a permanent HEA position in the near future. Would you be interested?"

"Yea, of course," said Tonks, stunned and rather flattered that Kingsley had recommended her over some of the older, more experienced EA's. "How long will he be gone for?"

"At present, we aren't sure. Until this ghastly business is over, or he is needed elsewhere. We'll let you know."

"Okay," Tonks said, standing up and shaking both their hands. "Thanks very much."

"Oh, one more thing Miss Tonks," he said. "Is there anyone you could recommend to take over your post?"

"Reggie Parsons sir," she told him as she turned to leave. "Not in my team, but he's the best AO in the office."

&&&

"What was that all about?" asked Reggie, as Tonks walked back into the office.

"You're moving desks pal," she winked, and whistled to get everyone's attention.

"Right, I've just been told Kingsley's on a special assignment, so I'll be taking over his duties indefinitely. Try and get any back-log of paperwork done while I sort out the weeks mission rota. Thanks very much." Several of the older EO's glared at her as she moved her things over to Kingsley's desk at the head of the office. Once she was settled, she went through the weekly patrols. There were the standard areas of London and the other major cities, 'giant watch' in East Somerset and Avon, increased alert at Hogsmeade, the Hogwarts patrol was starting up again this week and there were a few special assignments. Patrols were easy enough to distribute, it was the actual missions that proved difficult. Which of the creature specialists should she send to work with the werewolf capture unit this week? Who should be the one to deal with Azkaban escapee sightings? Ordinarily, they were simple enough questions. But now you-know-who was back and he was showing no sign of going into early retirement, these simple questions became a matter of life and death.

These were decisions Kingsley must have made everyday of his life for years, but after her first day, Tonks didn't want the responsibility. Not that she had any say in the matter now, she'd taken the job and frankly she needed the money, but she dreaded the day her first 'killed in action' file would replace one of her colleagues.


	7. A Painful Memory

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter Seven: A Painful Memory

The next week was the most stressful of Tonks' life to date. Two of her AO's had gone missing whilst on patrol in Swansea, when Remus wasn't avoiding her he looked as though he was going to be sick when he looked at her and on top of all that, Tonks still couldn't morph. No matter how hard she tried, she stayed looking the same, with more of the pink in her hair being replaced with dull brown every day. She'd had to make up some story about being snowed under at work when the Order needed her to go on patrol in disguise. It was really starting to scare her. She had gone to St. Mungo's, but being only the seventh metamorphmagus in a century, they didn't have much up to date information for her. Based on what they _could_ tell her, she only had one option. Tonks needed yet another favour from Snape.

&&&

As Tonks approached Spinner's End, she wondered if she had the right place. She looked up at the drab two-up, two-down. Typical Lancashire, but not typical Snape. She wasn't sure what she had expected, but this looked more like the sort of place Remus would live in. Not that he'd ever let her in.

Tonks knocked on Snape's door and heard a crash somewhere inside, followed by some muffled shouting. Snape opened the door just a crack and peered at his visitor.

"If this is a bad time…"

"Well that depends what you want, doesn't it?" he said. Tonks held up a large bottle of mead.

"Just wanted to give you this, to say sorry for the other night and hopefully thank you in advance for today."

Snape eyed the bottle suspiciously.

"It's good stuff, my uncle makes it," she said. "He sells it at medieval muggle re-enactments."

"I'm not doubting the mead Nymphadora," he clarified, "merely the motive behind it."

"Oh," she said. "Well I've got a pretty big favour to ask, if you'll let me in."

"One moment," he said, and slammed the door in her face. Tonks heard more crashing, and some words she never thought Severus Snape, the man with a vocabulary only beaten by Stephen Fry, would be reduced to using. About a minute later the door opened again.

"If you've got company I could always come back later," Tonks told him.

"No no, it's quite alright," Snape said, stepping aside to let her into the candle-lit room. "Though I would appreciate it if you owled ahead in future."

Snape gestured to the sofa, which looked in a worse state than Tonks'. She sat down beside him. Snape quickly sound-proofed the room with his wand. Tonks was now certain someone else was there, but decided not to press the issue.

"Now, what can I assist you with this time?"

"Well, I don't know if you noticed, but lately I've been having real trouble morphing and frankly it's starting to scare me," she explained, avoiding his eyes and pulling nervously at the cuffs of her fleece shirt.

"I had wondered about the state of your hair, but I'm afraid this is not my area of expertise."

"I know, I would have gone to Dumbledore, but he's done another disappearing act and McGonagall's busy sending owls to all the new first years."

"Then you should try a healer."

"I did. They said there was nothing wrong with me, said it must be psychological. They gave me a list of Legilipsychs at St. Mungo's, but they could be anybody. I don't especially want a Death Eater poking around in my head right now."

"Then I am of no use to you," he said bitterly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"I'm sure you didn't." There was a stony silence.

"It doesn't take a legilimens to figure out what is causing this Nymphadora,"

"I s'pose it doesn't," she admitted. "I just want to know how to get rid of it. I want to know if it's permanent."

"Very well," he said. "Do not fight the spell."

Before Tonks had a chance to nod, she was sent flying back into her memory. She was in Kingsley's office being given the MIA reports. Then further back in time; the department of mysteries, her induction into the Order, her first day as an AO. They watched her life go past in reverse and at speed; her first solo assignment, graduation from Hogwarts, then it slowed down. Tonks and Snape now saw her younger self, alone in her fifth year dormitory. She had an empty bottle of firewhisky in her hand and was trying to morph in front of a mirror. She couldn't do it. They whizzed back to earlier the same day. They watched as Tonks shuffled into the potions classroom and went to take a seat at the back on her own. Her lateness was not overlooked. Snape turned round slowly, while the rest of the class snickered in anticipation, Slytherins and Gryffindors alike. There were only a select few who did not laugh; Charlie Weasley and his friends.

"Ten points from…" The younger Snape began, then stopped, smirking. "Oh I am sorry, if you have been involved in a hideous transfiguration accident I'm sure you can be excused your tardiness."

The class erupted in laughter as Tonks tried to set up for the lesson underneath a mop of short purple dreadlocks. Everyone had known about her ability at Hogwarts, but she rarely used it there. She was distrusted enough as it was, there was no need to add to it. Snape saw the angry look on her face.

"Ah, it was supposed to look like that was it Miss Black?"

"My name's Tonks," she muttered, hiding her head in her cloak.

"Of course it is Miss Black." There was yet more laughter from both houses. Tonks saw red. She stood up, much to Snape's amusement.

"My name is Tonks sir," she yelled. "The Black's are not my family, traitors and cowards the lot of them, but you'd know all about that wouldn't you, _sir_."

They watched as Tonks ran from the room crying. The dungeon was quickly replaced by Snape's humble living room.

"You've had this problem before?" Snape said, clearly uncomfortable with what he had just seen.

"Huh, I'd forgotten about that," she said staring off into nothing. Blocked it out more likey, Snape thought, feeling more than a little guilty.

"And what did you do to alleviate the situation then?"

"I don't know, I drank, lots, then…" she faltered. "Then I built walls inside my head, pushed everything inside and never let the real me out again. I spent twenty four years building this façade and that bloody pair destroyed it all in a day."

Snape considered putting his arm round her, comforting her, but given what they had both just witnessed he felt he had no right to do that.

"Then perhaps you should start building again," Snape suggested. "But make sure they don't get too high."

"Might take a while, but yea, I have to do it all again." Tonks stood up to leave.

"Nymphadora, don't forget that," Snape cleared his throat. "That if ever you want someone to unleash the real Tonks on, I am here."

"Thanks a lot Sev, I owe you one."

"Two I think you'll find." Snape didn't want to think about how much he owed her.

"You don't miss a thing do you," she chuckled. "Well anytime you need anything…"

"Good night Nymphadora."

"Night Sev," she said.


	8. Tea or Something Stronger

A/N: Might not update this for a while, I'm going to finish Of Ymp and R if it kills me, lol.

EDIT: huge apologies to everyone who already read this, seems I accidentally uploaded an unedited version of this chapter. Anyway, in case some of ye don't see it I'll put a warning in the next chappie when it goes up. Sorry folks!

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter Eight: Tea or Something Stronger

Once again, Tonks found herself at the Burrow at 4am. She'd just finished patrol for the Order and it was times like this she missed Sirius most. He would always be there to share a pot of tea, whatever time of day it was. Tonks had hated him for so long, but now all she wanted was to go back to Grimmauld Place and see him smile again.

Tonks tried to see if there was anyone else still up. She really couldn't face going back to her squalid flat alone. A familiar figure was standing by the kettle, in the dark.

"Remus?" He put down his spoon and turned slowly. Tonks smiled weakly.

"Tea?"

"Please," she said, sitting down at the table. He handed her a mug.

"I could put the light on if you like," he offered.

"No," she said bluntly. "I don't want to see how you look at me."

Remus nodded solemnly in the dark and joined her at the table.

"Harry's back this week," Remus told her, struggling to find words to express what was going on inside his head.

"That'll be nice," she said, wishing she didn't have to face the youngsters in her current dull, depressed state.

"Tonks," he whispered. "I'm awfully sorry for ruining your birthday."

"It's alright," she chuckled. "If it was going to be ruined I'd rather it was done by you."

Remus smiled and sipped his tea.

"Why him?" Remus said after a while.

"Who?"

"Severus."

"Ah." Tonks had been waiting for his name to crop up. She took a deep breath. "Remus nothing happened, he was just trying to look after me."

"I'm sure he was," he said, not sure what to believe.

"What else was he doing?" she asked. "If you weren't avoiding me you'd have seen how rough I am."

"I have seen," he said gravely. "And to think I had the power to change that."

"You still do."

"No, there's nothing I can do for you now."

"Then I guess this is permanent," she said, pulling on her hair which was now completely brown. "If you can't help, no-one can."

"Not even him?"

"Who?"

"Severus."

"Remus, for the last time, nothing happened," she cried. They heard movement upstairs. Tonks hushed her voice. "Not that it's any of your business what we get up to anyway."

"I know that, I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"Huh, ignorance is bliss eh?" Tonks laughed bitterly.

"I'm sorry?"

"You don't want to protect me, that's not what this is about."

"Then what is it about?"

"You want to protect yourself." Tonks spoke the truth and they both knew it. "You lost everyone and it's understandable you don't want to go through that again, who would? But we've all lost people Remus. When Sirius died we all lost him, and we'll lose many more. You have to stop being so selfish! That modest pity-the-poor-werewolf crap doesn't wash with me. You might have fooled everyone else but I can spot an act at fifty yards Remus, I've been doing it long enough." Tonks paused for breath and saw she'd touched a raw nerve. Remus was squeezing his mug so hard it was a wonder it hadn't broken. Tonks saw silvery beads roll down his cheeks in the faint moonlight.

"It's going to happen, sorry to be a pessimist, but we can't all make it to the end of the war. It's not about having something, someone to live for. It's about having someone to die for."

Tonks stood up and made for the back door.

"I thought I had that someone. Seems I don't after all."

&&&

When Tonks arrived back at her flat she had a surprise waiting for her. It was wearing a long black cloak.

"Bit late for a social visit isn't it?" Tonks said, getting out her door keys and hopping up the steps. "Been here long?"

"Not long," Severus replied. "I thought you might like some company after your patrol."

"You read my mind."

Once they were inside, Snape pulled Tonks' bottle of mead from his cloak.

"That was a gift," Tonks said, slipping off her boots and jacket.

"I'm well aware of that," he told her. "But I feel like a drink and I'd rather not do it alone."

"I can understand that," Tonks whispered, fetching some plastic wine glasses from the kitchen. She came back and joined him on the sofa. Snape smiled as he poured out two generous servings of mead. Only Tonks could make plastic picnic glasses elegant.

"Chin chin," she said, clinking her glass against his and taking a long drink.

"So, how was your day?" chuckled Tonks.

"So-so," he smiled. "Lesson plans and research mostly."

"All work and no play," Tonks winked, draining her glass.

"Quite," he smirked. "What about yourself?"

"Oh, patrol for the ministry, patrol for the order, the usual boring stuff."

There was silence for a moment, then Tonks leaned towards him and covered his lips with her own. Snape pulled back.

"That's just the mead talking Nymphadora."

"You calling me a lightweight? I could take double anything you could dish out."

"Oh really?" Snape emptied his own glass. He leaned slowly towards her, enveloping her in a haze of black velvet and honey.


	9. Regrets

Author's Note:

good grief it's been a while since I updated, and i'm still getting reviews, thanks guys. here is my promise to finish all of my fics, I have no internet atm but I'll upload when I can. much love!

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter Nine: Regrets

When Tonks awoke she was alone. She was nearly always alone in her flat, but this time it felt empty. She stretched out her arms knowing exactly why. A person-shaped dent lay next to her, it was still warm.

You bastard, she thought, replaying the previous nights events in her head with ambivalence. It had been pure lust, no doubt about that, but even so Tonks thought he would have been polite enough to stay for breakfast. As she got up and dressed for work she realised Snape had actually saved them both alot of embarrassment, but it only took the sting off a little. And it was the start of term in under a week, he was . Tonks wondered if he'd have all the marks gone by the sorting. Who'd have thought the unresponsive Professor Snape would be into _that_.

As Tonks attempted to work around the chaos that was the ministry she knew last night had been a mistake. But all the same, she couldn't help wondering when she'd see him again. Would she still tingle or had it been a drunken illusion?

She was awoken from her thoughts by Sylvia popping her head round the office door.

"Er, m'am," she saw Tonks' face screw up. "Sorry, Tonks, um well Reg has just floo'd. Says he wont be in today."

"Oh you're kidding, why? Is he okay?"

"Um, well he is. But apparently his brother's children were taken in the early hours. His brother's convinced it was an Inferi he saw but we can't confirm that yet, he's understandably messed up."

"Merlin the poor family, only littlens weren't they."

"That's right, the Parsons used to have some nasty connections, it's probably to intimidate Reg."

"He'll blame himself for what happened wont he," Tonks held back a tear. "Thanks, I'll take over his workload."

More casualties in a war that isn't officially happening, she thought. Oh well, Hogwarts it is. It was just a shame the four young brothers would never make that first train journey.

Tonks spent the afternoon trying to fill up the patrols on an ever shrinking skeleton staff. If she lost many more the ministry would be in dire straights, after all she was doing three people's jobs herself already. She'd only just have time for dinner at number 12 before she had to start the Hogwarts run, but it was beyond her control. She refused to buckle under the pressure, she had a war to win and it might soon come down to her being one of the very few foot soldiers left for the final battle. Tonks would break eventually, like everyone else and she knew it. She'd do as much as she could until that moment came.

Number twelve was eerily quiet. The youngsters were all back at the Burrow, the adults were mostly all at work. With Sirius gone, the main occupants were now ironically, the two people who wished to spend the least time together as possible.

Tonks stared at the wall, tracing the line of a stain where a picture once hung. She sighed trying to remember who should have been staring back at her, but could only recall the figure had sad eyes. She glanced across the rest of the room then stood up. As she picked up the scatter cushions and put them back on the battered sofa, she spotted Remus' cloak tucked down the back of it. He didn't want her to know he was here.

Tonks picked it up. Holding it up the huge rip became visible. She stooped to pick up a discarded newspaper and saw the date. A day after the full moon, the tear must have happened when Remus' transformed. No wonder he was still asleep at 7pm.

She took the cloak up to her room, tiptoeing round Remus' door as she did so trying to ignore him as he whimpered in pain, tossing and turning in his sleep.

Tonks rummaged in a draw until she came across an old t-shirt, purple with blue shooting stars. She dug out a pair of scissors and conjured a needle and thread. She quickly cut out a section to fit the hole and began to sew. By the time she'd finished, not only had she mended the cloak, she'd managed to sew through two fingers as well. She slipped downstairs, hoping her squeals hadn't woken the sleeping wolf, and slid the cloak back into the sofa and plastered her sore fingers. She put the kettle on for a well deserved cup of tea when she heard Remus stir above her head. She quickly put out a mug and a tea bag and put a small chocolate bar next to it before sneaking threw the back door, broom in hand.


	10. The Hunger

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter 10: The Hunger

When she arrived at the gates of Hogwarts, Dumbledore was waiting.

"Ah, Tonks my dear, I was expecting young Reginald." He said as he unlocked the chains and let her pass.

"I can be Reg if you like D.." she trailed off sadly, knowing it was a lie.

"It's quite alright, you're much better on the eye," he said with a wink.

Tonks couldn't help but laugh as they walked towards the castle.

"There's our Tonks again," Dumbledore smiled. He patted her on the back and let her get on with her patrol.

She did a quick sweep of the perimeter and found nothing out of the ordinary. As she headed round to the side door it began to rain. She made it inside before it did too much damage but the toffee in her pocket had got damp enough to stick to her jeans.

"Wonderful." she thought, pulling at the warm sticky mess and walking around a corner straight into Professor Snape.

He looked at the wet toffee oozing from her jeans.

"Ah such elegance," he smirked.

"That's not what you said last night," Tonks retorted, stomping off down the corridor. "So this is where you sneaked back to this morning?"

"I did not sneak," Snape said, adjusting his long strides to match her speed. "And not that it is any of your business, but I have preparations to make before the start of term."

"I forgot you're a conniving snivelling creep, remind me next time you want a quick shag."

"If you insist," he raised an eyebrow and gave Tonks a sly smile. "I, Professor Severus Snape, am a conniving snivelling creep."

"Nice try slick, but I aint bein dumped twice in twenty-four hours." Tonks sped up. "If you wouldn't mind buggering off back to your pit, I've got ministry work to do."

"Of course you have Nymphadora, don't let me keep you. I shall get back to my supper."

"You do that pal."

"I should imagine the milk jelly is set by now."

Tonks stopped in her tracks. How did he know milk jelly was her favourite? Well he had been poking around in her head not so long ago. She could tell Snape was waiting for a reaction and refused to give him the satisfaction. She kept going, knowing full well she had skipped dinner to play housewife to the werewolf. Come to think of it, all she'd eaten all day was an apple from the ministry canteen. Tonks would not be won over by her stupid stomach, not to him anyway.

Tonks started with the two towers, then worked her way downwards. She checked all the entrances and windows, made sure the charms placed on them to keep people out would do just that, not to mention keep the students in. With the house areas secure and the classrooms checked, she made a sweep of the offices and the kitchens. Everything was clear so far, all she had left to do was Snape's quarters in the far edge of the damp dungeons. A walk past was all that was needed Tonks told herself, she didn't want him knowing she was nearby. One last sweep and she could get to bed, Merlin knows she needed it after the day she'd had.

She crept through the corridors, past various storerooms and spare classrooms. As she came to the last corner she head something up ahead. Tonks stopped in her tracks and listened carefully. Was it just Snape? His living quarters _were_ just ahead after all. But then again, the aloof Snape probably wouldn't be scratching at the mortar like a deranged wombat. As she peered cautiously round the black stone wall a house elf scurried under her feet, knocking her off balance and straight to the floor with a thud. She stood up slowly nursing her battered backside as Snape's door squeaked open.

"Ah Nymphadora, I trust the castle is...impregnable?" he said, making no attempt to hide the fact he was eying her behind.

"You're a pervert Sev. I'm going home."

"Are you sure you wont come inside for something to eat?"

"Deadly sure, I've been working non-stop since 5 am," she blurted. "I have to get up in four hours, I am going to bed."

"What a fabulous idea."

"Oh drop dead slimeball."

"I don't know what you mean Nymphadora," he said innocently. "Would you at least take something with you then?"

Snape proffered a small tub of strawberry flavour milk jelly.

"What did you put in it?" Tonks said, eying the tub suspitiously.

"Just jelly and milk, why do you like it with something else?"

"Fine," she snatched the pot and turned to leave. "Now bugger off back to your pit."

Snape bowed and retreated back to his quarters. Tonks shook her head and walked back up the stone stairs towards the entrance. A house elf was there to let her out of the main gates, presumably Dumbledore was already in bed. She envied him. Since her pockets weren't big enough to hold the pudding, she gulped it down it three mouthfuls then minisculed the tub and tucked the pea-sized blob into her shoe.

By the time she's flown past the apparition block, she noticed a peculiar tingling in her stomach. It felt like butterflies, but there was nothing to trigger them. She put it down to tiredness and apparated back to London. She couldn't face going back to her lonely hovel so instead she headed for Grimauld Place. When she wandered in the kitchen door, Remus was sat at the table picking at his mended cloak.

"Wotcha," she said glumly and trudged straight up the stairs. As she did so, Remus saw the cuts on her fingers. He looked back to his cloak, sighed and sat silently in the darkness.


	11. Jelly Baby

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter 11: Jelly Baby

"Tonks wait..."

Tonks stopped as her foot hit the first step, feeling as though she'd been caught in the act. Although she knew he hadn't the merest hint of what had gone on between herself and Snape. She avoided Remus' gaze and turned to face the corner chair, ashamed. The 'butterflies' were stronger than ever, and they were spreading further down. Strange, she thought, but not unpleasant.

"Was this you?" Asked Remus, holding up his cloak as she turned to look.

She nodded and returned her gaze to the moth eaten scatter cushions. Remus stood up from the table and came a little closer.

"Why?"

"You weren't going to do it."

"True," he took a step closer. "Thank you."

Tonks shrugged still with her back to him.

"You shouldn't keep doing this you know."

She turned around, folding her arms. "Excuse me?"

"All these things you do for me. Mending my cloak, and I know it's you sneaking chocolate into my sock draw." He gave her a weak smile. "And all the tea."

"So what are you saying exactly Remus, you want me to stop being nice to you?"

"Well, yes. You're running yourself ragged."

"Trust me, chocolate and sewing are nothing right now." Tonks still avoided eye contact. "But if you find kindness so offensive I'll stop."

"Oh Tonks I didn't mean..."

"Save it Remus." She made for the stairs again, Remus grasped her shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

Tonks reached up and held his hand. "So am I."

To her surprise he didn't flinch, instead he placed his other hand on her waist pulling her closer. A few tears tumbled down Tonks' face. She'd been here before and it was never anything more than a fleeting moment of weakness on his part. As they stood together in the dark, the butterflies felt like they were multiplying. She felt the feeling in her fingertips now, almost flowing out of her. She turned and put her arms around his neck, a predatory smile creeping across his face. His eyes flashed a brighter yellow as he kissed her as passionately as he'd always wanted to and she surrendered to him. Tonks pushed him against the wall, tearing at his shirt, gasping as he nibbled on her earlobe and down her neck. He kissed her lips again as her fingers played with his greying hair. Remus pulled beck and sniffed.

"Tonks."

"What?" No no no don't you dare stop she thought.

"Tonks I think you've been enchanted."

"What?" She let go of him.

"You smell of almonds and your fingers are blue." He had smelt much more than that on her, but the betrayal was too much for Remus to deal with.

"Oh."

"This wasn't meant for me. We shouldn't."

"Fine." She shot him a look of utter loathing before storming up the stairs. Damn you Severus Snape.

Tonks emerged from her room at 5am. She hadn't slept. She headed to the kitchen to load up on coffee. She only had a half day at the ministry, then minimal duties for the order. Maybe I'll get 10 minutes to myself today, she thought as the kettle boiled. She made the strongest mug of coffee she could stomach, than laced it with a healing draught Snape had left in her kitchen cupboard.

"Ah that's the stuff."

A creak of the ceiling board told her Remus was awake. Tonks didn't want another confrontation. She drank the rest of her coffee and struggled to put her boots on before his footfall reached the stairs. Not quick enough. Remus' cautious head peered around the corner.

"Um...sleep well?"

"Nope," she said flatly.

"Well, y-you should get some sleep before Harry arrives tomorrow."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to The Burrow. No-one's going to see the dirty laundry."

She finished lacing her boots and headed for the door.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead."


	12. Dolling Up

Fear and Jealousy

Chapter 12: Dolling Up

Once Tonks had finished her morning shift at the ministry, she headed back to her flat. She had a little re-con to do in Diagon Alley around teatime but apart from that she had the rest of the day to herself. More or less.

Since she still couldn't morph, Tonks had to find another way of disguising herself. She headed to her other wardrobe. She ran her fingers through the many different garments she'd worn on patrol over the years. She bent down and picked up her pork pie hat. She dusted it off, remembering the weekend she spent pretending to be a wasted Pete Doherty after her Hogwarts graduation. A chuckle bubbled in her chest as she wondered what that rent boy was up to these days, and where on earth she'd put that rubber chicken.

Aha! She thought, spotting the darkest of her outfits, ironically the one that flattered her natural curves best. Black satin pencil skirt with matching bodice and bolero cloak. The last time she'd worn that she'd tried to seduce a couple of drunk death eaters in some seedy bar, in the hope they'd spill a secret or two. It would have worked too, if she hadn't accidentally started a bar fight by falling over another patron and placing her stiletto rather unfortunately.

Tonks slid into the ensemble and looked in the mirror. She'd almost forgotten how it felt to look, well, nice. She didn't feel the need to as herself and in someone else's body didn't count. Then she could nip and tuck and stretch until she looked better but it never felt quite right.

As she turned around examining her reflection from all angles, she thought of someone who might appreciate the sight. Someone who needed a little pay back.

Tonks headed up to Hogwarts after sending Dumbledore a message through her patronus. Her little glittery chameleon danced off ahead of her, she didn't want to set off all those wards she and Dumbledore had set up around the perimeter. That would be more than embarrassing.

She apparated as close as she could, then flew the rest of the way. Dumbledore wasn't there to greet her, instead he'd sent Flitwick.

"He's off sorting out the boy I believe." He answered her question before she could ask it. "I do hope we'll be seeing this much of you once school begins."

"We'll be well out of sight by then."

"A shame."

They parted company at the staircase. It didn't seem as changeable when the castle was empty. The portraits were mostly elsewhere, clearly watching more entertaining things than a few professors scuttling about. It was strange, she'd walked these halls a hundred times since her seventh year but she'd never really looked at them. She wandered around the third floor and found the classroom where she'd had her first DADA lesson. She flipped the blackboard around, looking for the initials she'd burned into it with her wand. It had faded, someone had tried to get it off but given up by the looks of things. In the bottom left corner she could just about make the letters out. 'J.T.' Just Tonks. She examined the window she'd once levitated a puffskein through, although she had managed to perfect her reparo charm in detention. Tonks was so wrapped up in her thoughts she didn't hear the footsteps against the bare hardwood floor until they were nearly upon her. She turned around.

"Ah Miss Tonks," Snape took a step closer, eyeing her up and down. He leaned in and brushed a strand of hair from her neck before kissing it gently. He whispered, breathing slowly on her sending a little wave of delight through her. "Business or pleasure?"

She momentarily forgot her purpose, taken in by his sultry scent, his domineering presence. She struggled to focus and remembered the agony of the night before. Tonks took a slow lungful of him and landed a punch right in Snape's overgrown nose. He lurched backwards clutching at his face, daring to look surprised. Even more so when he discovered he was bleeding. Tonks took out her wand and fixed his nose, then punched him again just for kicks. She didn't even wait for him to stand up again before launching her tirade.

"What the hell were you playing at? Was that stuff even legal?"

"It worked then I take it," he mumbled through the trickle of blood. Tonks rolled her eyes and flicked her wand again.

"Oh it worked all right, Remus didn't take too kindly to being jumped on. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?"

"Well I did ask you to stay for dinner."

"So it was all just a cheap shot at getting me into bed again was it? You know you didn't have to enchant me to do that."

"I know, it was wrong of me I admit, but..." he trailed off.

"But what?"

"I didn't want you to feel guilty or vengeful about it. I didn't want it to be complicated."

"So date rape is simple is it?"

"No, Nymphadora. That potion does nothing the imbiber doesn't want to do. Quite the opposite. I.." He looked sheepishly at the floor. "I didn't want you to be thinking about him when you were with me."

"And your solution was to drug me. Smooth."

"I'm sorry I really am, I just wanted to see you again without the charade."

"Well you blew it Sev. And for the record I wasn't thinking about him." She turned to go. "He'd never be that kinky."

"Kinky? Oh my dear Nymphadora, so innocent."

"Oh is that what you think?" She fluttered her eyelashes at him over her shoulder. "Well you know all you had to do was ask, but now you'll never get another chance."

Tonks winked and walked away, giving him a little wiggle to salivate over.


	13. Dressing Down

A/N: time for another disclaimer. as I've said countless times, I own nothing but the plot and the characters of Reg and my wonderful Basil. everything else is JKs, blah blah blah.

Chapter 13: Dressing Down

Once in Diagon Alley, Tonks got to work. Moody had told her there had been reports of three men hanging around the pubs and shops trying to pick up women, telling people they were the meanest Death Eaters in town. Either they were lying to impress some tarts or they were really really stupid. In fact, either way they were stupid, but Tonks was on a mission to find out if they were a threat. It took her a couple of goes to find which gloomy establishment they were using that evening, but she knew immediately when she had the right one. Barely thirty seconds after seating herself at the bar of the _Whore and Trumpet_ she was approached by a man. He was mid thirties, not unattractive, wearing knockoff designer robes. He had clearly already been drinking but was under the impression no-one could tell.

"There's only one reason a classy witch like you would be in a place like this."

"Oh yes?" Tonks aimed for aloof, she hit in the region of pompous.

"You're after a wrong-un."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Well observed, have you seen any?"

"You know that muggle train that got derailed last month?" He pointed to himself with his wand.

"Doubtful, only a skilled Death Eater could pull something like that off."

"Well that's handy aint it," the idiot rolled up his sleeve to produce a very bad tattoo of a dark mark.

"Well, I take it back," she cooed. "You're more man than I thought."

"Whaddaya say we take this somewhere quieter?"

"That's not a bad idea." She glanced back to his table. "Is your friend coming with us? I know someone who'd be interested."

"Great, where is she?"

"Oh, not far," she left the bar, beckoning them both. They followed eagerly, not in an entirely straight line. As soon as they'd got past the doors Tonks turned around, pulling her wand discreetly out of her pocket. Before they had time to realise what was happening, she flicked up her wand and silently bound their hands and feet. She grabbed them both by the robes and apparated right into a ministry cell block. On arrival one of them threw up over Tonks' stiletoed feet.

"Such charmers."

She let herself out of the holding cells and filed her paperwork with the hit-wizard on duty. She cleaned off the sick in the lift, but the smell still followed her around as she walked through the corridor towards the atrium.

"Tonks, are those two fellows your handy work?" A voice came from behind her.

"Sir, yes sir," she mocked as Basil Rookwood waltzed towards her in a splendour of blue crushed velvet.

"Very well done, and off duty as well. You'll be after my job in a few years."

"You mean when some muggle catches you in the act?" They laughed. "And how is your 'friend' these days?"

"Ah he's fine, I'll tell him you asked. He fell asleep in the House yesterday."

"Typical back bencher," she tutted.

"So these fellows of yours were impersonating death eaters to get their ends away?"

"Essentially. It wasn't really working."

"Well no, who would want to sleep with a death eater? It's so nineteen eighties."

"Um, it beats me." Tonks blushed.

"No!" Basil may have been a very senior Auror, but he was quite the gossip monger. Tonks needed to change the subject.

"Have you heard from Kingers by the way?"

"Indeed, Honky-Tonk my dear lets walk and talk." Basil took her arm. "Like they do in the movies."

"So what's going down?"

"Well, as we told you, Kingsley is working as undercover security for the muggle government. He has been keeping us informed by muggle post but the information we have for him requires a little more sensitivity than a postman can deliver. Excuse the pun."

"So you want me to be a delivery girl?"

"Well yes, if you want to get down to brass tacks. I think it'd do him good to see a familiar face, even his mighty patience must be giving by now."

"Alright, but I want a day off in return."

"Deal. Pick up the papers tomorrow morning and the rest of the day is yours, to do with as you will."

"Washing it is then."

"Ah Tonks," he sighed. "If I were thirty years younger...and you had a phallus."

Tonks cracked up. "For you Basil, that could be arranged."


End file.
